• J

Lowkey Triggering AF But I Am Here For It. #InsecureHBO

This quarantine got me addressing a lot. Reflecting on a lot with different perspectives and different emotions. A whole lot of err' thang. Watched the season premiere of Insecure season 4 and It's a lot I want to touch base on.

One, Yesss Issa for stepping into your light, which equally means standing up to the darkness. It's not easy, but It is so worth it. I often say, Insecure is like rewatching my current life. From wanting to put on a huge event in a black community for the culture and not knowing where to start; to the complexities of loving yourself and others, while giving grace and holding people accountable for their actions; and at the same time, holding yourself accountable for your own. 'Tis life man. The shit is complicated and yet simple. It's a very interesting mix of the two. Overall, it is beautiful.

Issa is stepping into her new level and she's giving herself grace and trying to do what is best for her when it comes to picking up the pieces and moving on. Love to see it. She got this new TSA boo who is very interesting. Off jump, I know that he is not "Issa's Type" but that's only because I am comparing him to Lawrence. Whew, talk about relatable. I've compared so many ex's, situation-ships and hinge dates to guys that I thought were "the one" but didn't quite have it all together. I found myself endlessly seeking a guy that fit the bill to the T. If I was dating a guy that didn't quite measure up, I easily found myself cutting shorty off. I like how Issa is giving this dude a chance. Even if it is not for the long-haul, she's opening herself up to new opportunities. I don't see it as backtracking—Ok, well at first the "wanting her and Lawrence to work it out" version of me did but now I get it. And besides, we don't know much about him, I don't even think they said his name during the entire episode. He can very well be a quick nut and dassit. Hell, she's dating. This is something I want to get used to for myself. Dating just to date and not marriage or long drawn out scenarios of what our life can be—let's just be in the moment. Enjoy each's other company now and BE.

OK let's talk Molly. Whew. Molly man, everybody giving you hell right now for not being a "better" friend to Issa. It sucks, because you are bomb! You were going to Thearpy. You were dating the lawyer dude who saw you for you, even though you tried to "homie" him. You started dating outside of your race! ( I am doing the black girl hand, as I type all of this). You were doing so well but then it seems you hit a snag and your 'toxicity' is showing. Even worse, you don't recognize it in yourself and you're projecting it onto Issa, your bestfriend. WELL, READ ME THEN. lmao I definitely can relate to Molly in more ways than one. Especially when it comes to self-sabatoging. It is unfortunate, but it's honest. The truth is this is what some people's journey of healing looks like—an unstable rollercoaster. Everybody giving Molly hell right now and what they faill to realize is that they are also projecting onto her but I digress because I can only speak for me. lol I am giving Molly grace because she's human. She has deflee said some sideways shit to Issa but I ultimately think she means well. She just hasn't come to terms with her own shit. AND this is something I definitely struggle(d) with myself as I continue to evolve with the people around me. We are all on different levels of our journey and you know it hurts when you want your friend to be right there with you but they got to handle their scandal on their own time and in their own way. Im saying "they" but Im speaking for and to me lmao. They say hurt people, hurt people. That's a word. As the show continues, I hope Molly has a moment with herself to realize that because I want to see her win! I want to see her and Issa win together. Even if it's a conversation of "look, this is who I was, and how I was feeling and Im sorry for hurting you while I was hurting. I hope you can forgive me, even if our friendship doesn't continue in the way I thought it would, I wish you the best and will love you forever." or something like that. lol Something that provides them both peace and understanding. Even if the world doesn't understand.

Miss Condola. Chile. Condola did not ask for any of this! She was over there minding her business and basking in her Black Girl Magic. All of a sudden she meet Lawrence charming ass— who just so happen to have his shit together after 5 years of wtf with Issa— and now he the perfect guy for her and she the perfect woman for him? TUH. It be like that lmao. I aint mad at them, I just had to get that off my chest. We experience people at different times in our lives for various reasons—some, to help us grow and be a better person for the next person to come along (hate to see it lmao). Once we find someone that we are willing to really grow and work with, we can say that we've identified our flaws and are making effort to improve / change them, even if it's at the expense of someone that once meant the world to us. Most times it is not intentional, it just happens.

We don't know much about Condola, other than she had a divorce and now she dat bitch by staying in her lane and flexing her BGM. We stan a queen who has had to pick up and readjust her crown. She just tryna be great and get hers too. Her and Issa's friendship is honest and they work great together. Maybe we're confusing business with friendship too? I mean dang, why does it have to be friction because of Lawrence? Because we are women? And that's just how it has to be? I think that's bogus. Im saying all this now, but I have never experienced a situation such as this, but still lmao. I think we as women need to grow up and be open minded to unique situations and stop letting social-norms be our reason for "canceling" people out our lives. Trevor Noah said it best "You do not own the thing/person that you love" Issa don't own Lawrence or Condola. It's not like Condola knew any of the Tea before hand, so why should it affect her relationship with either parties involved? That's annoying. lol And let's say she did. What if Lawrence is her person and vis versa? I guess we are just going to have to wait for episode 2 to see what happens next.

Before I go, I LOVE the conversations Insecure is sparking amongst my age group. It's refreshing to see and hear so many different perspectives on controversial topics as they pertain to our day to day lives. I'm here for it. It's helping me to learn how to agree to disagree and speak up and call shit like I see it, how I feel it. It's healthy. It's also encouraging self-reflection and self-healing, which is so necessary and so beautiful. Ok, I think I am done now. Well, at least until next Sunday. B.Lyte - J