• J

What Can I Add?

Just finished watching The Red Table Talk "Coping with Addiction during the Coronavirus". All I can say is perspective. In the beginning of this quarantine, I was calm, cool & collected. The only ''stress" I acknowledged, was trying to figure out my living situation in Los Angeles. All of my belongings have been in storage since the 29th of February and the "plan" was to stay with friends for the month of March and be in my new space by April. Well lol that didn't happen. The first week it started getting serious in LA, the week of March 17th, my friend offered her apartment for me to stay because she was going back to Florida. Initially, I was thinking this would be a 2 week thing and life would resume back to normal. However, it is now April 9th and I am still here and she is still in Florida and my stuff is still in storage and... See? About around the third/fourth week of quarantine, it really started to hit me that we are living during a pandemic. Some of my old habits started to creep back into my life—ones, that I thought I had got rid of for good. I started to be more anxious (overthinking and creating scenarios that ultimately affected my mood which then snowballed into me overeating and consuming hella sugar and hitting a THC pen which caused me to be even more anxious and overeat and... you get it), I started to distance myself from friends because "they don't get it" and I started to worry even more about my family and become unmotivated in every avenue pertaining to my life in Los Angeles. I guess the word people use to best describe this behavior is "self-sabatoge". That's it. I began to self-sabatoge. Which in ways, can be an addiction.

I started to think (overthink) about the things that I lack (which is a false narrative) during this time, instead of focusing on what I do have and have access too. I became boggled down with thoughts about what will happen when this is over or when I run out of things, instead of just being still and present for today. Truth is, I am abundance. I have everything I need and everything I want is on the way and the only thing I need to do is prepare. Prepare how? By practicing mindfulness. By speaking gratitude. By being Light. Grace. I hate to sound all fuu-fee, in the words of Willow lol, but it is the truth. Now is the time to simplify my thoughts and just be present and grateful. By showing compassion. By being love. These past few days I've been upset about things that are literally out of my control and for what? Only to get more upset about being upset? That's just silly, J. It is ok to feel your emotions and allow what you are feeling to pass through. I am glad I am now enlightened to do so.

So what can I add? How can I make today more fulfilling? What am I grateful for today? Let's start with today & plan for tomorrow when it comes. Day by Day. Hour by Hour, if we must. B. Lyte - J